Porn and intercourse

I wanted to share a quote. Porn users have long stated that porn and sex are divorced, that porn has no impact on them, their sex lives, or their view of women. It’s something many feminists have talked about and said very eloquently. But hearing it said so clearly, directly from a man, it’s a different thing.

For me personally sex is about power, domination and control over mine and my girlfriends pleasure. … We guys have dicks we just want to stick it into things. It’s hard to explain but there’s a huge sense of power from doing that. source

(for reference, the … was saying he doesn’t mean in a violent or aggressive way) The man who said this is a heavy porn user and an outspoken defender of porn use for everyone, and advises men on how to lie to their partners about their use.

This is why porn is, in essence, a patriarchy manual. It teaches men to view sex as a power struggle, with them always coming out on top and always being dominant. It teaches them that simply having a penis gives them immense power, especially sexually. It’s not “hard to explain” why he feels “a huge sense of power from” intercourse. To explain it would basically be to explain why patriarchy exists. In other words, that “huge sense of power” is drinking the patriarchal kool-aid. It’s the high he feels from benefitting from a patriarchal system.

Martin Luther King jr. day

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity. ~Martin Luther King jr.

I share this quote because it’s one of the most fundamental ideas of feminism. One cannot impart social justice until she can realize that it is the experiences and oppression of the collective rather than the immediate benefit to herself that is important to a movement. One cannot be a feminist if any feminist idea, social problem, or issue of oppression can be entirely dismissed with an “I” statement, a statement of personal “empowerment,” or simply a statement of personal enjoyment. This is why libertarian and liberal “feminism” cannot work and cannot further women’s rights or free women from the patriarchy. Because almost everything in that movement that is labeled as feminism is based on what gets a woman the most social reward in a patriarchal system, rather than what furthers the movement. A movement cannot be based on individualistic desires and wants, but must be based on the needs of the whole. As soon as I becomes more important than we, the movement is lost.

Kansas gets its priorities straight.

While apparently everyone in Kansas considers possessing an herb with numerous medicinal qualities to be a crime against humanity, apparently beating your partner is not a crime against humanity. Perhaps this is because humanity implies personhood and women aren’t people. In Topeka Kansas they are considering officially decriminalizing domestic violence to cut budgets. Really.

While non-dangerous crimes continue to be punished, such as marijuana possession that costs the country a ridiculously disproportionate amount of time and money to enforce, things that affect primarily women just don’t matter. If you are Topeka and are a woman, I suggest you pack a suitcase and leave. If you get beaten by your partner, too bad, it only counts if he’s a stranger. If you are sexually assaulted, the national numbers on that are against you too. I just don’t even know what else to write on this, it’s so appalling I can’t even think straight.

Porn Users Explain why Porn is Healthy Part 2

I generally prefer animated porn, because it’s much prettier than any woman can be. And I think seeing the most horrific thing you could possibly imagine is cute and funny. source

Just to reiterate, horrific violence against women is “cute” and “funny.” Lesson: so long as it’s filmed, violence against women isn’t real.

Men do not respect the women they see in porn no matter how many they watch. source

I am a young man, I consume pornography, and degradation of women is a fetish of mine. However, I have great respect for women, in a sexual context or otherwise, and I do not think that my personal preferences are driven by society’s declining sexual standards or that they are the inevitable result of a gender-based sexual dichotomy. I also resent strongly the insidious implication that people of such preference are complicit with or even responsible for the sexual disenfranchisement of women. So perhaps I am biased.

… I was relieved the author believes this behavior — the gaining of sexual pleasure from degrading others, something I usually despise when not naked — is normal. source

Then who, if not the people who gain sexual satisfaction from hurting, degrading, and humiliating women is responsible for the real-world implications?

First of all, the things you list–with the exception of facials–aren’t found in all straight porn (especially things like ATM, gaping, gagging, and choking.) Straight porn runs the gamut from mainstream vanilla fare to extreme gonzo stuff. It’s a common, if sleazy and unfair, tactic of feminist critics of porn to lump it all in the extreme gonzo category. Anyone with any familiarity with it, and with a shred of honesty and fairness, would admit that much of it is not that extreme, unless you’re one of the delicate flowers who considers a mundane oral/facial cumshot to be a horrendous, grotesque debasement. source

Ahhh yes, the respectful act of jizzing all over someone’s face. Lesson: Porn changes what people view as normal sexual behavior.

The more open you are about sex, the higher esteem in which you will be held by men.
Men are not attracted to women who say “no” more than “yes” in bed. We don’t look down on women who like to have fun; we look up on them. Our favorite females are those who are the most sexually liberal.
Any woman who claims certain sexual acts are degrading probably carries some sort of baggage. source

Lesson: women are pleasure objects, and saying no to pain or degradation means you’re not fun.

I think men are uncomfortable with women’s new interest in watching porn. We liked it better when porn was strictly the domain – and vice – of men. source

I think it is possible to honestly believe in and advocate for the equality and dignity of women (indeed of all people) while being turned on by images of women (or other men) humiliated and degraded. source

No, this wasn’t sarcastic. Really.

I watch porn and my gf has a higher sex drive than me! It would drive her nuts knowing my load sometimes goes to a rag instead of her. If I’m horny enough to go to porn, then why not her? Telling her the fantasy is better, quicker, or easier is hurtful; it’s better to just shut-up. source

Even when there’s a living human who wants sex, he still needs porn even if it means sacrificing time with his girlfriend. Porn isn’t addicting, it’s just a need that all men have.

Indeed, these very popular sites seem designed to repel women — to send them literally running from the room — what with the endless talk of “sluts,” “whores,” “bitches” and worse. Maybe without the perceived judgment of female eyes, it feels like a safer space to explore fantasy.
The sites are not designed to repel women … they are designed to attract men, and thats one of the reasons men are uncomfortable talking with their girlfriends or wives about the subject. What goes on inside most men’s darkest fantasies wouldn’t just repel most women, it would actively terrify them, especially in their boyfriend or husband. These sites are designed specifically to attract men, and they do a good job … the fact that they “repel” women isn’t particularly relevant to the designers or the consumers.
Its worth pointing out that “womens porn” is “repulsive” to men as well. Men aren’t interested, typically, in the way love, sex, men, and relationships are portrayed in the Cosmos of the world, and we find that picture as unrealistic as the one in our porn films. The reason is, we think differently … and the reason most men are uncomfortable talking to their women about their deepest darkest porn fantasies is that those fantasies are very dark and very deep. source

Violence against women is not as repulsive as a woman fantasizing about being loved. I assume people here never ask themselves if there is a reason women are “repulsed” by the idea of their loved ones getting off on rape and violence against women.

The vast, vast majority of men will never give up porn. It’s widely available, free and can pander to fantasies they would never experience in real life. Using porn is part of their lifestyle – day to day. In fact, I’d go far to say it’s a human right. [If men don't use porn] bad things will inevitably result.

Men naturally need to think they are raping and hurting women or bad things will happen. It’s a human right for men to rape women, and since they aren’t supposed to do it in real life, they have to at least pretend.

It needs to be acknowledged, I think, that sexuality is inherently dominant/submissive. “Degrading” is one word we use to describe this polarity. Tastes vary, from person to person, and from relationship to relationship. I find it absurd that porn is still discussed as “degrading to women”.
It’s degrading to human beings, sure, but that’s the whole point of it!

Ah the humanist argument. If porn and sex is degrading to humans rather than women, why is it that over 85% of mainstream pornography shows physical violence against WOMEN? Why are the vast majority of sexual assaults against WOMEN? Lesson: degrading people is OK so long as those people are women.

A benefit of porn has been the increased attention to female hygiene, particularly the shaving of female genital areas which is now expected by all parties and has great health benefits.

It’s always great when men talk about the health benefits of women going bare for them. It’s not like we have hair for a reason. We obviously evolved body hair to make us LESS healthy.

I’m sorry guys I know a lot of folks wont like this but sex is inherently demeaning to women. In its orthadox form it’s a submission of a woman to a man to a certain degree, and both parties take pleasure from that. 
… Porn is natural.

Lesson: Sex that demeans hurts and degrades women is natural, meaning inevitable.

i am a guy. most of our fantasies are born from what we see in porn movies k. we like to try lotta different things as we see them done in this movies. his toys ore obedient, manipulative (he can do whateva he wishes wit them. so u have to do what these whores (permit me to say) do in these movies you have to be a nasty bitch sexwise to win ur man back. diff styles, positions, anything u can think of. ask him what his sexual fantasies are, wat he wants u to do to him & wat he wants to try. be his toy baby & u’ll win him back source

Men like toys, women are toys. Men need their “toys” to do whatever is demanded of them, and these demands will come straight from porn. Regardless of whether the woman enjoys these fantasies, she is a toy and does not get a choice.

Being jealous of a picture, quite strange really. source

It’s strange for a woman to be jealous of her man spending time with pornography, but not strange to develop a relationship with an image and masturbate to it. The female emotion is “strange” while the male feeling is normal and natural.

Maybe it is easy for someone who has never been into porn to abstain from it, but I’ve been watching it since I was 16, and trying to stop for me is a whole different story. I don’t want to hear about the degradation of women! It is irrelevant to the need I feel – which pornography is exceedingly good at satisfying. source

It doesn’t matter if women are degraded or hurt, his penis is more important than their lives.

Men are trained from very early to think differently. They are taught to objectify women and seperate them in two catagories….those that are for sex and those that are for marrying. This is foreign to women, although it is changing rapidly.source

Good thing women are beginning to dehumanize and objectify others, since it is the only correct way of thinking. It’s not as though dehumanizing a whole group of people has dire consequences.

you have to understand the women in those pictures are objects not women. I know, we’re not supposed to objectify women but when they’re porn stars etc we do that’s what they’re paid for. They have less emotional worth to us guys than traffic lights. … Even in porn we’re looking at an object, it serves as a quick tool to arouse our physical senses, quickly, efficiently so we can release and get on with our day. … It’s like using a leaf blower instead of a rake to remove leaves from our garden, quick and efficient nothing else. …

We don’t watch movies of women sweet talking men and being romantic on an emotional level to get off, we look at naked female shaped objects. They’re not real to us, only sick twisted lonely weird guys invest any kind of emotion into porn stars or pictures of naked women. …

you’re insecure about nothing, those women are nothing, they don’t exist. source

This line needs repeating. “naked female shaped objects.”

Most guys don’t consider porn cheating, however, so you’ll have to try to be understanding if he thinks you’re out of line. source

Go ahead and call a guy out for this, but as you are a woman and he is the man, he’s going to think you’re out of line and will have to put you back in your place.

we make poor decisions when aroused.

From my friend via AIM, a guy who loves his porn and believes it’s healthy.

I feel that pornography has as much power to degrade women as it does to empower them; this is all decided in the mind of the person masturbating to it. source

I’m sure the guy masturbating to the woman being penetrated in all holes while she cries and ends up bathed in semen is watching it for the empowerment of women.

WE do love the women in our lives – but on our own terms, if relationships can ever hope to work long term!

Women are second to men, women’s terms are second to men’s terms.

women use sex as a bargaining tool. Porn lets guys take matters into their own hands so to speak and in doing so – partially relieves the need for women and raises the bar with what men expect women to do. Women hate porn because using it puts some of the power back into mens hands and women hate hate hate that. source

Lesson: Porn lets guys express their hatred of women for attempting to have equality. Women should have to compete with porn while the men sit back and enjoy.

I love porn. LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!! Am I only the only person to get so sick of sex with their long term partner only to find relief in watching porn??? Surely not. We can’t all go out and score a different chick every night of the week. This is the next best thing and way better than being stuck in a boring long term relationship. source

Porn enhances relationships.

Though we obviously see women as sexual objects, this does not mean we are unable to recognise their other qualities as well. source

Women are firstly sex objects and not human, but they may possibly have other secondary qualities.

I love to keep pictures of the girls in these private moments because they are giving you the most beautiful side of themselves. source

A woman’s most beautiful side is when she is airbrushed, legs spread, presenting herself to be penetrated. The most private part of a woman is when she displays herself to be used to the entire world.

Ladies – when are you going it get it through your thick, blonde heads that porn can enhance your sex life?! There’s absolutely nothing abnormal about the fantasy world of porn – it’s not all 2 Girls, 1 Cup stuff! Try dropping the term ‘making love’ from you’re vocabulary & suddenly porn is just good, dirty fun. If it weren’t for the experimental nature of great porn, we’d have a generation of men that think the missionary position is exciting and that women can’t orgasm through penetrative sex. source

Despite the fact that only 25% of women can physically orgasm from penetrative sex. Lesson: it’s more correct for women to enjoy being penetrated in as many ways as porn can present. Porn enhances sex lives by teaching women that they are there to be penetrated by men and please them.

Lets not forget that those are women in those movies, it’s not like they are being forced to do those acts. The world has changed – that’s what men want these days. I’ve dismissed many girlfriends because they wouldn’t “play along”. After all – why buy the book when you can go to the library…

Because women in porn are willing to play along for money, all women should play along as well. Who needs a woman who expresses that something isn’t fun or hurts when you can watch it in porn?

Almost 9 months ago I touched my sister because we were looking at porn. I asked her what a vagina felt like an asked if I could feel hers it was a light touch. Source

If they are receiving sexual release from porn, then you are not the gatekeeper to sex and they become more dificult to bend to your will. Source

Pornography is a “healthy” release for hatred and anger towards women.

It felt…like I was in charge. Like I dominated her sexually, and she loved being dominated. It felt raw and animalistic…and very masculine for me. Source

About cumming on a woman’s face for the first time.

I am so ashamed of myself that I ever watched it now, it distorted my view on life. It’s pretty hard to find a real woman like the girls in porn… Source

Bill Margold, an actor who starred in several 3-D adult films during the seventies, doesn’t think 3-D deserves to make a comeback. “I don’t want to see a pop shot in my face unless it’s my own,” Source

A porn star is fine cumming on a woman’s face, but even having it imaginary done to him is repulsive.

he wants to see things he knows you don’t want, assfucking, titfucking, gangbanging, anal, ass-to-mouth, or more than anything, a guys wants to shoot his cum all over agirls FACE. do you like that? probaby not. if you will do all these things for him and he still watches porn, he is crazy. Source

A man has a deep desire to watch women be hurt (for instance the risk of disease from eating fecal matter, allowing yourself to be marked like a fire hydrant, and allowing your anus to be treated so roughly it bleeds). Unless you are willing to be hurt, there is nothing you can do.

To all the girls (and maybe guys) who in this thread or irl said “eww thats gross” or “why dont you stick a cock up your ass, see how you like it”. I bet you said the same type of things when you were little, about regular sex. “eww thats gross” or “im not doing it you do it”. Maybe its time for you to grow up some more. No, in fact its definitely time for you to grow up. Source

I’m sure he knows it would hurt to get fucked in the ass. But there are millions of girls AND guys that do it everyday. Source

It doesn’t matter if being “fucked in the ass” hurts, if you are not willing to submit to it you are immature and prude. A woman should always be willing to sacrifice her well being to satisfy a man’s libido, especially since women don’t feel pain the same way men do.

Calling feminists ugly means you lose

This is more just a quick note than a post, but I wanted to put it out there anyways. I’m sure anyone who has been a feminist blogger for long enough has been told she’s only a feminist because she’s ugly. The good news is, whenever someone calls a feminist ugly no response is even necessary because the ignoramus has already lost the debate, lost at whatever they were trying to say. See if the feminist viewpoint is that women are only able to define themselves according to their beauty and that’s extremely harmful and hinders any real progress towards equity, then arguing they are ugly makes exactly the point the feminists are trying to make. See in essence throwing in that a feminist is ugly is saying, “your arguments are invalid because you are ugly and beauty is the only thing that a woman has to offer.” In response to feminists arguing that beauty is the only way a woman can define herself. Need I say more?

Just fantasy?

Certainly not to the women and men in pornography. There is the constant possibility of STDs ranging from herpes (which lasts a lifetime) to things that can make a woman infertile all the way up to HIV. There are injuries ranging from sprains and muscle pulls up to rips and tears and including such horrifying things as rectal prolapse. There are the very porn specific diseases, such as e.coli of the throat (from pulling a penis out of a woman or man’s anus and inserting it into her or his mouth), chlamydia in the eye (from cum shots), and other various infections that can only occur from being treated as a human toilet. The average time a woman remains in porn is only three months not just from the physical toll but also from the emotional toll. Trigger warning below the break.

Porn Users Explain Why Porn Is Healthy Part 1

I decided that I can try to articulate my point as much as I want, but no one can say why porn is harmful like the porn users themselves. The very fact that these people are using these quotes to explain why porn is HEALTHY should be all you need to hear to realize how much porn can warp even “normal” users’ minds. I apologize for having lost the citations. Also before you accuse me of picking the most extreme examples, I have over 50 pages of these quotes. Even cutting it down to this incredibly long series was a challenge.

Do I dehumanize them somewhat? Of course. Why would I worry about their feelings or any of that nonsense, why would I attach an emotional significance to them? You do have to objectify them otherwise it defeats the purpose of watching porn, what use is a fantasy when you attach to it, that level of reality.source

Who would choose a punch in the face over strawberry?

Simone de Beauvoir was once asked in an outraged way if she truly believed women shouldn’t be given the choice to be housewives. She responded that no, they shouldn’t since she will choose it every time.

When I was first told about the differences between second and third wave feminists, it was framed to me as such; do you believe that women should have the choice to do as they like or do you think that women who shave their legs, wear dresses, and have sex are wrong? Being my pre-feminist self I became defensive of my skirts and the fact that I shaved my legs. I LIKE shaving my legs, I said. I LIKE wearing makeup.

On the train yesterday was a woman scratching her legs. She had dark stubble growing in on her ankles and she must have reached down to scratch 10 or 15 times. It looked painful, and she looked self-conscious and embarrassed. Another woman on the subway was self-consciously covering her knees because they had a small amount of hair on them. And they had every reason to be. A man across the subway from me was eyeballing me in an uncomfortable way until he got to my hairy legs, at which point his eyes widened and he looked away quickly. The attention my hairy legs get is astonishing. People look repulsed, as though female body hair is somehow covered in plague. They will stare as if they’ve never seen hair on a woman before, as if I’m deformed in some way. If I wasn’t a radical feminist, that kind of attention would have made me mortified to exist.

Shaving your legs is expensive. You go through a razor head a month, at a cost of maybe $2 per piece, plus shaving creams at a cost of maybe $3 each. It is time consuming. In order to not have stubble a woman must shave at least every other day, maybe every day, at around 5-10 minutes per session. It is assumed that every few times you shave you will cut yourself a little. There is certainly nothing fun about leg shaving.

There is only one reason to shave your legs. Because the pain of shaving your legs is, to most women, much less than the pain of not shaving her legs. The pain of money and time wasted and the annoyance of the occasional cut, the irritation of constant stubble growth, is far less than the pain and humiliation of being given the looks I am given. Being considered repulsive, disgusting. That kind of woman. One of them. Feminists.

That is not a free choice. A free choice is whether I want chocolate or strawberry ice cream. Being given two options, one that will be difficult and one that will be easy, is not free will since most people will choose the easier way. It would be like saying, you can choose the chocolate or the strawberry, but if you choose the chocolate you will be punched in the face. And then saying people just inherently like strawberry more when they choose it. This is not a free choice.

The more complicated way to talk about this is in the frame of women presenting themselves. Women supposedly have two equally valid choices, to present themselves as objects or to not present themselves as objects. We are told by funfems that women have the option to be either, that most women simply choose out of inherent desire, to serve men. Women and girls are shown role models on TV, the fuckable doctor, the fuckable lawyer, the fuckable teacher, etc… The message is extremely clear. In order to be successful as a woman, you must be fuckable. You must leverage your sexuality to get to the top. That your sexuality is your most important aspect. Who needs to do well in science class if you can seduce the science nerds into doing well for you? Women are told that if they cannot present their sexuality as their only identity, then they are not worthwhile as whole human beings.

What is not presented are the women who choose not to define themselves by pornified sexuality. There are very few shows where a normal-looking woman or a woman who focuses on her career/friends/hobbies/passions is presented, unless that “flaw” is part of plot. Think Ugly Betty where the fact that she is merely average looking must be constantly pointed out so viewers won’t think it’s an oversight. These women, the women who don’t entirely define themselves in relation to the men around them and how they can manipulate them with their bodies are completely absent, completely invisible. Given those two options, acceptance and success versus invisibility, who would choose the latter? And because of this invisibility of the woman not wishing to be constantly viewed as “for sex,” very few women even know this option exists. When women are presented with only one option, it can hardly be surprising when she “chooses” it.

When a woman goes to buy clothing, these images and ideas are not wiped clean from her brain. It would be impossible given that everything she has ever seen, heard, read about, or experienced is in relation to these images and ideas. She could buy the practical clothing, or she could buy high heels. The fuckable women often wear heels, while the not-fuckable women don’t. The heels make her legs look longer, she can now emulate the fuckable character. So she chooses the heels, she believes she likes the heels when in fact, she simply likes the image the heels give her. This is reinforced when she goes outside and gathers votes of approval from the men staring at her legs up and down. Yes, she thinks, she definitely likes the heels. They hurt, but it’s “worth it” because of the approval she gets.

But it’s never good enough. She needs to buy more things to emulate the character even more. There is a constant stream of things she must buy to emulate these characters. New impractical shoes, new impractical makeup, new toxins to put on her scalp and skin. There is no way that any woman can truly live up to this image she is burdened with. I was once sitting with a man and a tall skinny blonde woman in extremely high stiletto heels and a very small tight dress walked past. He was practically falling on the ground drooling and slobbering and yelling about how hot she was. Look at those legs! He exclaimed. Then just seconds later, she had to walk across the grass and was unable. She sank in, staggered around, tripping and falling, desperately pulling at the bottom of her dress to cover everything until she had to be carried by her friend in flat shoes. Was this guy supporting her? Do you think he was still drooling over her, giving her his praise? No. Throughout all of this he mocked her, cruelly and endlessly. What an idiot, he said. Why would ANY woman wear heels? It’s so stupid. When I pointed out to him that his reaction 10 seconds ago is why women wear heels, he didn’t have anything to say except that she was still a “freak.” The impracticality was expected, appreciated, loathed and mocked.

There is no winning for women, there is no good choice. But always “choosing” the one that panders to this unattainable standard of fuckability is the one thing guaranteed to not be able to free us from double standards, victim-blaming, and being viewed in a one-dimensional hyper-sexualized way. Because of the complete invisibility of an option other than hyper-sexualized and pandering to male porn fantasy, women only have one option visible to them. Women believe they have choice because they are given so many ways to fit the porn fantasy. Do they want red or black heels? Gold or silver eyeshadow? This act of “choosing” gives women the illusion that they have some kind of free choice when in fact, they are all choosing the exact same thing. But really, when women are only presented with one option, how can ANYONE be surprised when she chooses it? If there is no other choice, there can be no “choice” at all. It’s simply doing what you’re told. This is why even the “feminism is about choice” argument completely falls apart. There is no choice.

What is a moral crusader?

Frequently as feminists we are told that our arguments are invalid because we are just moral crusaders out on some other moral crusade because of a variety of reasons none of which have to do with feminism. I for one, am a bit tired of this. Being accused of being a moral crusader always does or tries to bring the conversation to a screeching halt. Because the phrase sounds just awful, who wants to be accused of “crusading?” Yet does anyone really question what exactly a moral crusader is? What the phrase means? When I looked up what the meaning is, the entire definition is:

A person who seeks to influence a group to adopt or maintain a norm.

That’s it folks. So yes, I suppose feminists are moral crusaders. We do seek to influence a group (people) to adopt a norm (not hate women). Who else is a “moral crusader?”

• The police
• Most of the government
• Every activist group ever
• Unions

Do you think anyone accuses unions of being on a moral crusade because they want better conditions? So why does this phrase only apply to feminists and the church? I don’t believe I’ve ever heard it applied anywhere else despite the fact that it applies to every group trying to get anything done ever. I don’t believe I heard anyone use this term in reference to black groups trying to get recognition as human, and certainly not now. It’s incredibly obvious that accusing feminists of being moral crusaders is a pathetic attempt to align us with religious groups. I think it’s fairly obvious that many people hear that term crusades and think of the obvious brutal violent religious crusades. So people, please stop using the term moral crusader. It’s not actually an insult. Maybe people should pay more attention to what they’re saying, because this term just shows your ignorance.

If you don’t like it, don’t watch it.

As I walk down the street a lingerie store is plastered with pictures of airbrushed women staring seductively at the camera. A popular clothing store for teens features thin girls modeling thongs, bikinis, and leggings while doing “porn star” poses and faces. A store specializing in little girls’ clothes features young girls jutting our their hips, pouting at the camera, and shoving their butts in the air. When I go to buy some gum at the store I see rows of women in lingerie, in bikinis, and nude with strategically placed captions staring back at me, promising the youngest and hottest at my disposal. In the women’s section I see scantily clad women looking seductively at the camera with captions promising to teach me how to behave like a porn star, how to pleasure my boyfriend, how to maximize my cleavage, how to diet to a size 2. There are ads on the wall for cigarettes, beer, soda, and potato chips with scantily clad women sucking the cigarettes, licking the beer, and caressing the junk food. In the backs of magazines are advertisements for live sex toys in the form of women. As I drive home I pass billboards filled with hot women promising to gyrate and pour water on themselves for my viewing pleasure. It’s insinuated that I can rent one of these women like a car.

When I get home and check my email my inbox is filled with ads for videos of brutal rape, women gagging on penises, and women being gang banged. I browse through blogs and accidentally click a wrong link, which floods my screen with graphic hardcore porn ads filled with animations of men ejaculating on women’s faces, women being anally penetrated, and of women with tears streaming down their faces while they are raped. I type in a search and many of the pages are filled with porn. I flip on the TV and see ads for completely non-sexual products such as deodorant featuring a porn-ready woman in a white t-shirt shaking her breasts while covered in water. When I look through cable channels I have to skip through several dozen porn channels to find a “regular” movie.

I go to a party with friends and they want to look through porn for entertainment. I start seeing a new boyfriend who requests to degrade and dominate me like he’s seen in porn. He is repulsed by body hair and thinks body fat is unnatural. He enjoys the thought of me being uncomfortable or in pain to satisfy his urges. A friend goes to a party and is raped according to a porn script the boys just watched.

If I have a child he or she won’t have to look for it, it will find him or her. I will have to put enormous effort into porn-proofing my home and even then he will almost surely see it on someone else’s computer, on his phone, hear about it from friends. I will have to arm him before he’s even hit puberty to know that what he sees on the computer isn’t real. I will have to live knowing that my child has seen a woman being double penetrated and ejaculated on before he’s had his first kiss and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Even if I somehow manage to avoid ever seeing porn, it is expected that I dress like a porn star, wax like a porn star, perform in bed like a porn star, and fully embrace all of my partner’s porn-fueled fantasies. I am told that if I don’t perform to his demands I will be cheated on, dumped, abused, and it will all be my fault. I am told that if I refuse to date men who who use porn I will be alone or at best am a controlling bitch and will probably be lied to anyways.

So really, I would love to follow the advice that if I don’t like porn I shouldn’t watch it. I would love to live in a world where absolutely everything from children’s shows to pharmaceutical ads wasn’t influenced by porn. I would love to live in a world where most of the men I meet don’t think of me in reference to the last porn movie they just watched. The advice seems to easy, just don’t watch. I would love to avoid it. Just tell me how.