Just another college girl fightin' the patriarchy

Wait, before you get all angry, I know, some are false. I know, I’m not saying they never happen. They do, just rarely. This article from Yes means Yes will tell you more. What I’m talking about are the anecdotal things we hear, mainly from anti-false-rape groups. Many MRAs claim to have a false rape story, something that set them off. They were terrified, they didn’t know what was happening some girl they boned is suddenly crying rape (cause all women secretly just want to put all men behind bars, right?) Most of them include a sexual interaction with a woman that they enjoyed and thought was consensual, and then BAM out of the blue, she’s calling it rape. Before I launch into my analysis, here are two stories to ponder (trigger warning).

My friend went to a party in high school. The most popular boy in school was there. They flirted, she liked him, he liked her. They went upstairs, both got naked, and made out. She didn’t want to have sex, but he did. She was about to protest, but he kissed her so she couldn’t talk and held her wrists so she couldn’t escape and raped her. She was traumatized, and ended up screwing up her life after the incident. The boy, on the other hand, called her for dates several times after and gushed to his friends about how cool she was and how great she was in bed. He honestly had no idea that he raped her.

Another friend of mine was raped in college at a frat party. She told her friends about it, and word got around what had happened. Several days later, the boy was overheard ranting on and on about how much of a lying slut she was. He genuinely seemed to have no idea he raped anyone. Noticing a trend?

So here’s what I want to get across. Very few rapists know they raped someone. In one study by Diana Russell, approximately 25% of men said they had participated in an event that was legally sexually assault. Far fewer than that knew they had committed a crime. By a factor of about 25. So you can understand why I have some trouble believing most of the claims of false rape actually being false. In the event that a false accusation TRULY did happen, they would have my sympathy. Truly. But it’s exceptionally rare to happen. Most studies put false rape accusations around 2-5% of all accusations. Barely higher than all other crimes (which is approximately 2%). While this is tragic, it would be impossible to lower this number to below the percentage of other crimes. The only way to possibly make false rape accusations lower would be to lower rape accusations in general. This would either be accomplished by decriminalizing rape or by lowering rape rates. It’s absurd to suggest that rape laws become less strict since there is already an epidemic of rape and almost none are reported. A lot of people who claim to have been falsely accused think rape is worse than other crimes to be accused of and therefore, no one should be punished unless it’s “real” rape (like violent life in danger jumping out of bushes and holding a gun type rape, which makes up the extreme minority of all rapes).

Let’s review some of the evidence from the men frequently claiming to have been falsely accused. I researched the topic at great length on MRA forums and found the following to be almost universally true and agreed upon:

-Real rape is heinous.

-Real rape happens very very very rarely

True rape is more around 1 in a 100 000, it is a very rare incident rate in our culture.

-Force must be used for it to be rape.

The true meaning of rape is to use physical force or threat to have sex.

-Consent does not always have to exist, she must say no and fight for it to be rape.

So the problem is not that the girl consents, she never consents —- she just somehow omits to say no.

-Women rarely say if they want sex, so persuasion is frequently necessary and OK.

If a person is “overpersuaded”, too bad, they’re responsible for not getting up and leaving.

They will have to ignore minor “no” signals in some situations.  It’s impossible to tell if she means them, or if she enjoys the attention and just wants you to try harder!

-Most rape isn’t really rape at all, it is simply miscommunication.

-Men rape out of sexual frustration.

-Women who wear revealing clothing are asking for it.

I just find it difficult to sympathize with female rape victims because (in general) women use sexuality to thier benefit so often, so frequently and in so many forms, that I cannot feel sorry when it is *forced* upon them.

[We should allow] immodestly dressed women to be raped. … This is needed to prevent women from exercising too much sexual power.

slut culture comes first, rape culture is the response.

-Having sex with women with impaired consent is not rape since the woman chose to get drunk or take drugs.

if a woman gets drunk, and she doesn’t remember what happened, tough.  She got drunk on her own.  She voluntarily vacated her faculties.  Ditto if SHE takes drugs.

If they have too many drinks, they’re responsible for having too many.

-Consent may be implied in any number of ways.

If your in that situation, you must have done something to say/indicate “This is ok”.  At the least, at some point you let him into your room(s), onto your couch.

-Many women secretly want to be raped.

a serious crime isn’t something that could just as easily be the fantasy of a lifetime fulfilled. Especially when that fantasy of a lifetime is actually being forcibly raped. It can even be rape if the woman enjoys getting raped, as some surely have.

-Rape is more serious for men than it is for women.

If a heterosexual male is raped by other male prisoners in jail, it is a completely unnatural and perverted experience as well as being against his will. A woman who is raped by a man is still experiencing a relatively natural experience since she voluntarily has sex with her husband/boyfriend

-Ugly women can’t be raped. In fact, they should be grateful.

Am I the only one who has noticed that the ones who go on and on about the dangers of rape, wearing rape whistles and carrying pepper spray are the ones who couldn’t get a decent looking guy to have sex with them much less rape them?

-Rape just really isn’t that bad. Prison is far worse, even if the man did rape someone.

Is rape really that bad? It’s a horrible experience but you get over it. Prison is worse then being a victim of any crime.  I would say life in prison is worse then death.

I would much rather be raped once than be locked in a cage…I have come to the conclusion that there are lots of things in this nasty world that are  much worse than vaginal rape. There are only a few ways to physically rape someone – there are apparantly limitless ways to rape a person’s soul.

They also frequently used terms such as “over-persuade” and made a distinction between rape and rape-rape. So let’s review. These men claim to have been falsely accused of rape, while at the same time basically believing that nothing counts as rape if it wasn’t “stranger rape.” If the rape didn’t fit the Hollywood drama account of rape, then it’s not real. They claim they were falsely accused of rape while also believing it is legal and OK to take advantage of drunk women, believing that no doesn’t usually mean no, that some women secretly want to be raped, that women who wear slutty clothes deserve to be raped and it shouldn’t be a crime, and that when women say no it just means push harder. In case that wasn’t clear enough for you, I’ll say it again. They don’t think they raped someone, but according to them, the vast majority of rapes, (i.e. “acquaintance rape”) aren’t actually rape. I have a hard time believing that a “false” rape accusation against a man who believes that inviting a man into your room is consent is truly false. Or that a man who believes women who dress scantily deserves to be raped didn’t actually rape someone.

And for the minuscule number of false rape accusations that do happen? It’s slime like the above mentioned people that make it happen. With their insane double standards of “sluttism” for women, with their insistence that women be submissive and reject all sex while men are the ones allowed to enjoy sex, it’s that culture that perpetuates the reason for this. I’ve heard such horrifying things as:

I’m not in the least bit troubled by your claim that men would be admired for having sex with five women while women would be scorned. Men have a much higher sex drive than women so if a man manages to pull this off it is most likely because he wants it and if a woman consents to it it is most likely because she is a pathetic spineless people pleaser. I don’t think either of them have anything to be proud of but It’s quite obvious why they aren’t thought of the same way.

So how can anyone who claims to campaign for fewer false rapes (yes, that comment was from a page talking about how horrifying false rape accusations are) simultaneously campaign for harsher judgement on women and a tighter box around women’s sexuality? How can those two thoughts be reconciled? Basically, women should be ashamed to have sex and should have to face horrible social ostracism for having sex, but at the same time no desperate attempts to not be labeled a whore will be tolerated. Meanwhile, men should be allowed to roam freely, dicks akimbo expressing their naturally rape-happy sexuality. It’s pretty obvious most of these idiots campaigning for fewer false rapes do so because they’re actually rapists. Don’t forget either, almost everyone says they didn’t do it when accused of a crime.

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Comments on: "Rape Series Part 2: The False False-Rape Accusation" (10)

  1. A Shropshire Lad said:

    A thing that is starting to intrigue me is when charged, falsely according to them, with rape, why don’t these men charge the woman with rape too? Heck, that would make hell of a court case!

    And for the minuscule number of false rape accusations that do happen? It’s slime like the above mentioned people that make it happen. With their insane double standards of “sluttism” for women

    Very good point!

    The only way to possibly make false rape accusations lower would be to lower rape accusations in general. This would either be accomplished by decriminalizing rape or by lowering rape rates.

    Or by simply charging BOTH parties with rape of each other if they were heterosexuals discovered having sex without a marriage license and procreation as the goal! Let them have homosexual sex if they are so horny, because casual hetero sex is so saturated in rape culture that it equals rape!

    My friend went to a party in high school. The most popular boy in school was there. They flirted, she liked him, he liked her.

    So she thought having sex with her local Hitler / Stalin / Pol Pot / Mao / Gaddafi would be a nice consensual experience? Girl, dicktators are rapists, of countries and of people!

  2. Elk ballet

    Can you please just ban the lad already? He isn’t adding anything constructive here and is becoming increasingly obnoxious, mansplainy and triggering.

    • And it is impeding on my ability to write a well thought out response to your work.

    • Sure. I’ve never really bothered screening comments, but you’re right he’s kind of dominating everything.

      • Thank you for banning the mansplainer, Elkballet!!!!

        Beyond being dominating (the exact type of personality that leads men to sexually assault women, then not “know” they’ve done it), he’s doing the typical male thing of demanding that women pay attention to him and take him seriously as he blathers on and on and on. He couldn’t care less about what you and other women think, he’s here to get stroked.

      • Thanks elk, I was just getting fucking sick of his victim blaming bullshit.

  3. And now that we can talk without interruption, I want to say, this is such a great post. You’ve covered a lot of territory and made it clear how all these things integrate.

    This is a excellent primer for anyone coming into the discussion about rape who hasn’t heard these things before or who has been confused or who is starting to get that all the bullshit about rape is just that. Your explanation is not dry or clinical, but covers the facts and combines that information with what lived experience looks like for women. Well done.

  4. […] both verbally and bodily that ‘sex’ was unwanted (hence rape). Most of the other common rape myths are all projection as well. Including the ‘many women secretly want to be raped’ – […]

  5. A few thoughts in response to the MRA’s:

    “Men have a much higher sex drive than women so if a man manages to pull this off it is most likely because he wants it and if a woman consents to it it is most likely because she is a pathetic spineless people pleaser.”

    Love the biological determinism. “Spineless” people pleaser? Like we haven’t been socialized to please men since coming out of the womb? And I am VERY skeptical of the claim that men have a higher sex drive than women. We keep hearing that over and over in the media, and are taught that’s normal. Plus, FCM has blogged about how women are taught not to give in to their biological urges. That doesn’t even touch the fact that men will rape with OBJECTS when they can’t rape with their dick.

    ” Is rape really that bad? It’s a horrible experience but you get over it. Prison is worse then being a victim of any crime. I would say life in prison is worse then death.

    I would much rather be raped once than be locked in a cage…I have come to the conclusion that there are lots of things in this nasty world that are much worse than vaginal rape. There are only a few ways to physically rape someone – there are apparantly limitless ways to rape a person’s soul.”

    These guy sounds like he’s talking out of his ass. 😛 He obviously doesn’t have a vagina, but he feels he has the right to comment that there are things in this world much worse than vaginal rape. Hmmm…some women NEVER get over rape. Some women start self destructing, or develop DID, or commit suicide. Some women say rape is worse than death. He doesn’t even comment that rape is committed on CHILDREN, too, not just adult women. Is he going to say the same thing about girl and boy children….or, oh, do boy children have special rights?

    “If a heterosexual male is raped by other male prisoners in jail, it is a completely unnatural and perverted experience as well as being against his will. A woman who is raped by a man is still experiencing a relatively natural experience since she voluntarily has sex with her husband/boyfriend.”

    Right, because all women really want to do is fuck men. There are no such thing as lesbian women.

    There is so much more I could say, but this post is long enough as is. TY, MRA’s, for laying out so clearly how men think. 🙂

    • I have at least fifty similar quotes, but I couldn’t find reasons to post them. It really is just taking the entitlement that I think a lot of men do feel and placing it out in the open. Not many are going to admit they blame women for rape, but many think it and it’s clear when they say, “Well she shouldn’t have [been at that party] [had that much to drink] [gone out with that guy] [worn those clothes/shoes].” These MRAs are just being more blatant about their victim blaming. Their honesty is only better in the sense that it shows people that many men (and women) do blame the victim entirely.

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