Rape fantasies are one of the top 10 fantasies women describe. So it must be fairly perplexing to a rapist or potential rapist (aka MRA) when rape is a crime. How can a woman’s sexual fantasy be a crime? But that’s fairly clearly just an excuse to rape someone. No one would argue that because someone wants to give a ton of money to a charity that he wants to be robbed. The “rape fantasy” is a high ranking fantasy, but it isn’t actually rape she’s fantasizing about. It’s freedom and desireability. I know that makes no sense, having her freedoms taken away is fantasizing about freedoms. But it is.
As I’ve stated several times, we live in a culture that demonizes female sexuality. Women who have sex are sluts, whores, and skanks and aren’t worthwhile human beings. Meanwhile she’s also expected to look the part of the “whore” while not actually being one. This is a ridiculous constricting double bind. A woman’s entire life worth revolves around a penis and her relation to it. Most women enjoy orgasms and enjoy physical affection and some kinds of sex, but when they show this, society outcasts them. Even though men aren’t the only ones who enjoy and want sex, they are the only ones who get to define its rules. So if you are a woman who enjoys sex, what are your options to not be ostracized? Either sign over your sexuality to a husband, or keep quiet. Obviously there’s a bit of leeway in there, but according to a poll by the Guardian the average number of sex partners a man will tolerate from a girl they want to date is 4, maybe 5 if he really likes her (regardless of his number). What’s a woman to do?
There is an exception in the stultifying of women clause, and that is if she didn’t choose to have sex. This is shown by the very weird exception most anti-choicers will make to allow abortions in the case of rape or incest, in that women don’t need to be punished for sex that wasn’t up to them. While people do usually attempt to blame women for being raped, generally if people can accept that a rape actually happened, the woman is not responsible.
And voila, the “rape” fantasy is born. If she is not responsible for the sex, then it does not make her a whore to enjoy it (which it shouldn’t anyways). If women did not have to feel guilty about sex, enjoying sex, or masturbation, they wouldn’t feel obligated to blame it on someone else in their fantasies. In other words, in case you didn’t catch this, women do not fantasize about rape, they fantasize about being able to enjoy sex guilt-free. But because most of these women have no idea what a situation of completely egalitarian seduction and sex would look like, in order to feel guilt-free they fantasize about an anonymous pleasurebot coming in and ravishing them. Society puts into women the idea that if they say to someone, “yes I would love to have sex” she is a whore. So in her fantasy, she has to imagine not having said yes in order to be ravished. In the real world that would be rape. But that is not what rape is. Rape is the most soul-destroying horrific crime on the face of the Earth (short of murder) and no woman fantasizes about being raped. Women fantasize about guilt-free sex in a word that makes them feel guilty about having sex.
Further, people often incorrectly assume rape is a crime of lust. The the woman was just so hot and sexy the man could not control himself. And our society tells women that their only value is in their sex appeal. I’ve heard numerous (horrifying) times men saying women should be flattered that they got raped. People also assume ugly people cannot be raped. So the woman is picturing herself to be so sexy and desired that he just can’t keep his hands off of her.
No woman actually wants to be raped. Even women who fantasize about having some control taken away do not want to be raped because she would need to have ultimate, “get the fuck off me” power and the power to choose her partner. And even if women feel flattered when some men desire them, the real life act of being lusted after like meat is creepy, unsettling, and sometimes frightening. I’ll say it again, the rape fantasy has nothing to do with rape, it has to do with enjoying sex guilt free and wanting to be desired. Comparing a rape fantasy to actual rape is like comparing someone’s statement, “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse” to then taking a horse, slaughtering it, and shoving it’s putrid remains down said person’s throat. Comparing the two trivializes the actual crime of rape and it does not excuse anyone from actually raping someone. The very act of fantasizing about “rape” makes the sex wanted, and the very definition of rape is unwanted. Therefore it’s not even a rape fantasy.